Schuldig's Garden
by Kiki-chan78
Summary: A retelling of Rapunzel, the way that it was originally supposed to be... Why oh why can't they stick to the scripts?! A whopping 3 chapters so far!!! Not finished yet. but have fun reading how the Weiss and Schwarz annoy Kiki-chan in this tale. ^.~
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimers: I do not own Weiss Kreuz, or any of its respective characters.  
  
So please don't sue me, I don't have any money.  
  
The Garden of Schuldig.  
  
Kiki-chan merrily skips onto the gaudily decorated set, and promptly trips on a head of lettuce. Quickly she picks herself up from the ground and begins jumping up and down with glee on the hapless vegetable before realizing that it was an important prop. From offstage Crawford can be heard commenting something along the lines of, "well, at least he isn't going to be named after that vegetable."  
  
Upon arriving in 'Story Book Corner' she chases a happily necking Omi and Nagi from her chair. "Go, shoo! You boys need to get ready!"  
  
"But Kiki, we are ready." Omi comments while straightening out the jacket from his assassin gear. Nagi meanwhile is also buttoning back up his uniform jacket. Both boys trying their best to look innocent, yet neither one succeeds in the slightest.  
  
"Omi, dress," Kiki tells him, looking somewhat annoyed.  
  
"I am dressed."  
  
"You are supposed to be in a dress," frantically gesturing she manages to get the boys moving off stage. "Please make sure that Aya and Yotan are ready, they have to be out here acting in a little bit. Thank you."  
  
Sitting down in the badly painted Blues Clues rejected Thinking Chair, she pulls out an over sized book and brushes off golden paint flecks.  
  
"Hi and welcome to Kiki-chan's Story Book Corner. Today's Fairy Tale is titled 'The Garden of Schuldig'."  
  
Aya and Yohji are forcefully pushed out on stage. The irritated redhead gives Kiki the patented Fuyimiya glare as she continues reading the story, oblivious to Aya trying to glare her into submission.  
  
'There were once two men who wished very much to have a little child. Now, these people had a small window in their cottage which looked out into a beautiful garden full of the most lovely flowers and vegetables (no lettuce, wonder why?).  
  
'One fine day Aya stood at the window looking into the garden and he saw a patch which was planted full of the most luscious looking strawberries. As he looked at them he began to wish that he had some to eat, but he could not ask for them.  
  
'Day after day his wish for those strawberries grew stronger and the knowledge that he could not get them so worried him that he became so pale and thin that Yohji was quite alarmed.  
  
"What is the matter Aya? You've grown so thin and pale," Yohji asks his lover. Chuckling he looks over at Kiki, "Hey, who wrote this thing? Aya has always been thin and pale . . . How am I supposed to notice a difference? Is he supposed to be less aggressive now?"  
  
Glaring at mirthful blond playboy, Aya picks up a copy of the script and begins reading out loud. "Ah, if I do not have some of that nice lettuce . . . Lettuce?" Raising a fiery eyebrow Aya looks over at Kiki-chan for an explanation.  
  
"Ah, ha ha ha . . . I kind of killed the lettuce earlier today, and substituted it with the strawberries. Besides, strawberries seem to suit you guys more than lettuce." "Please, continue . . . You guys are keeping closer to the script this time."  
  
Aya continues reading the script, "If I do not have some of that nice . . . those nice strawberries which grow in the garden behind our house, I feel that I shall die." Glaring over at Yohji as if expecting the older assassin to make a remark.  
  
'Yohji, who loved Aya dearly, said to himself, "Rather than Aya should die, I will get some of those strawberries for him, cost what it may."  
  
Yohji walks over to the next set and steps behind a wall where he changes into his black catsuit, and climbs over the wall into the garden of Schuldig, hastily gathered a handful of strawberries, and brought them back to Aya. Bringing out the whipped cream, Aya begins eating the strawberries with great eagerness. Watching how Aya licks the juices from his fingertips, Yohji goes to the stage curtain and closes it . . .  
  
Two Hours Later . . .  
  
Kiki takes a peek behind the curtain, gets a nosebleed and quickly walks away muttering something along the lines of, "that man must be a contortionist."  
  
Three Hours Later . . . Yohji pulls the curtain back while trying to get his hair into a semblance of order. Kiki is curled up napping in the chair. Carefully, Yotan takes the book from her and opens it to the story and starts laughing. 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimers: I do not own Weiss Kreuz, or any of its respective characters.  
  
So please don't sue me, I don't have any money.  
  
The Garden of Schuldig. Part two.  
  
Yawning widely, Kiki-chan wakes up and looks around the scenery. "Yotan, you shouldn't laugh so loud when someone is sleeping. It's rude." "But at least now we can continue with the," Ahem, "Fairy Tale."  
  
'The strawberries pleased Aya so much and tasted so good that.  
  
Yohji reaches over and begins playing with one of Aya's eartails, "I can assure you that it wasn't the blasted strawberries that had him moaning like that."  
  
"Gentlemen! Follow the script." Glare.  
  
"Fine. But I still say that it wasn't the strawberries."  
  
'Since Aya enjoyed the strawberries so much that, after two or three days had passed, he gave his lover no rest. . . Kiki looks up, "Yohji, you had better not even say what I think that you are about to say." Yohji just looks over at Aya with a smirk, oblivious to the patented Fujimiya Death Glare directed at him. "Get into the little catsuit, you are going for more strawberries."  
  
Alarmed, Yohji looks over at Kiki, "more strawberries? Now?"  
  
Glare.  
  
'So again in the evening twilight he climbed the wall, but as he slid down into the garden on the other side he was terribly alarmed at seeing Schuldig standing near him.  
  
"What the *beep* are you doing here?" Schuldig says with a fierce look.  
  
Kiki-chan throws a papier-mâché rock at Schuschu (which bounces off the side of his head), "Language! Language! This is a *beep*ing children's show."  
  
Yohji looks at Schuldig, "I think you made her mad."  
  
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. "Let's get back to the fairy tale."  
  
Yohji, "Fine."  
  
Schuldig, "Fine. . . At least in this one I'm not being called 'little red schuschu'" *shudders*  
  
"Fairy tale! Now!" Glare.  
  
Schuldig looks back at Yohji, "You sneak into my garden, looking very molestable in your little black cat suit, and then you steal strawberries. I say a good punishment for that is me *beep*ing your little *beep*. . ." The rest of what he said is not appropriate for our more sensitive readers. Needless to say, that if he did carry through on what he described, the stock for most types of lubrication would rise, significantly.  
  
Looking over at Kiki hopefully, Yohji asks, "Hey, can we just go ahead with Schuldig's plans? They sound like a lot more fun than this fairy tale."  
  
Papier-mâché rocks hit both bishounen.  
  
'And so 'ahem' Schuldig DID NOT suggest to engage in any sexual activities that would leave the Kama Sutra looking like a children's book. He did give Yohji permission to take as much lettuce, I meant strawberries, from the garden, with one condition. The condition being that once,' cough, cough, "Aya had had a child, the child was to be turned over to him to raise.'  
  
"What do I want with a brat?" Schuldig asks the now extremely irate narrator, "and how is 'Mr.-I-have-an-icicle-up-my-ass' gonna give birth?"  
  
"It's a fairy tale? The stork is going to bring it?" Kiki tells her reluctant cast members.  
  
Schuldig looks to the left, off-stage. "Kiki-kins. . . You mean that white long legged bird that Farfie killed while you were sleeping?"  
  
Kiki looks in the same direction and sees large white feathers still fluttering in the air, "He what?"  
  
Shrugging slightly Schuldig casually answers, "He killed it; said that killing storks hurts God."  
  
Glare. "And no one thought to stop him? Wait, I don't want to know anymore," heavy sigh, "Just give Yotan the strawberries. Yotan, after he gives you the strawberries, go back to 'Mr.-I-have-an-icicle-up-my-ass,' I mean, Aya." "Someone let Omi know that he will be on stage in a little bit. . ." 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimers: I do not own Weiss Kreuz, or any of its respective characters.  
  
So please don't sue me, I don't have any money.  
  
The Garden of Schuldig. Part three.  
  
Yohji, strikes a pose that practically screams 'molest me' and then saunters back to the other side of the stage where Aya is.  
  
From offstage someone chucks a baby doll at Aya. The doll promptly hits the scowling red head up side the head and bounces into his lap. Aya picks up the pathetic looking toy by its foot and glares at Kiki. "That hurt."  
  
"Well, think of it as birthing pains, and shut up you have no more lines in this fairy tale." Kiki tells Aya, by this point not caring if he decides to chase after her yelling 'SHINE' while brandishing a katana. Looking around slightly, Kiki sees that Schuldig has taken this opportunity to leave the stage. Behind Kiki, Aya can be seen still holding the plastic doll by its hind leg. The head falls off the doll, making a hollow noise as it bounces off the floor in front of the amethyst eyed young man. "Schuldig, get out here," she calls out to the feisty German, "you still are needed for the show!"  
  
Schuldig prowls out from behind the stage curtains, a smirk planted across his features. "I heard that you have some scenes that will be shot on location?"  
  
"That is correct. Ken wanted something to do in this episode, so I arranged things for him to play a very crucial role." After thinking for a moment, she continues, "He should be on location as we speak." "But enough of that . . let's get back to the story. Now."  
  
'And so the sad day occurred that Yohji and Aya had a child (no comments. . . ). Thus they were under the obligation to turn said child over to Schuldig as was the arrangement.'  
  
Schuldig walks over and takes the headless body of the cheap plastic baby, accidentally kicking the head off the stage in the process.  
  
'This child, now named Omi, grew up kind and gentle. For Schuldig kept his word that he would raise the little one as his very own child, and therefore Omi knew not of any hardships. Not only was the child kind and gentle, he was also lovely as the dawn is radiant, with a voice so sweet that the birds themselves would give pause to listen while he sang.  
  
'Though, Schuldig was quite proud of his child, he did not want to share the little one with any other . . .  
  
Schuldig holds up the decapitated doll, "you mean I didn't want to share this thing?"  
  
Irritated, Kiki looks over at Schu. "No, you didn't want to share him. . ." Walking over the stage wings, she reaches behind the curtain and takes Omi's hand and leads the young man out on to stage.  
  
Blushing slightly, Omi lets himself be led to the center of the stage, long skirts rustling across the floor. Slightly he wobbles on delicate heeled slippers, that every so often daintily peek out from underneath the royal blue skirts as he is led: winking an antique gold shimmer at the cameras. The spotlights give him a halo, making the youngest member of Weiss resemble more an angel tumbled to earth rather than an assassin. On the dress, a high empire waist hugs his chest in velvet and satin with rivers of material cascading down to form the skirt. Embellishments embroidered in the material, in golden tones, only help to accentuate his lithe form.  
  
Kiki reaches up to make sure that the hair extensions are properly pinned in place, and then begins arranging the golden curls, framing his face. Both Schuldig and Yohji unconsciously take a few steps in Omi's direction, and are stopped short by an invisible field.  
  
Blinking, Omi looks at them with sparkling eyes, "Gomen, Nagi didn't want anyone else *beep*ing me. . . at least not until the orgy planned for later tonight. Minus Ken-kun and Farfellow, naturally."  
  
On the side of the stage, Kiki can be seen banging her head against a wall. . . "You are all determined to ruin this fairy tale too. . ." 


End file.
